Of Circitous life and Jaded thoughts

Weird it is, that my last post was almost 2 months back. I have lived a life, in these past two months, a life I dint know I would experience.

It is time to bid adieu to this foreign land called Bangalore, a city which I could never embrace, a city which could never own up to me. First visit was eventful here in 2003, it was the first time I had moved out of the closed confines of my much pampered and protected environment back home.

Lotsa excitement in exploring a new city, the only time when I was virgin for the city and city décor was virgin for me. But then good things come to an end sooner or rather they appear to be coming to an end sooner. Some disastrous consequences of the reckless way of leading my life ensured that I had to rush back to Delhi with an uncertainty of where I was headed to in life and in geography thereon.

Last year when I came here, things were already becoming boring for me, with nothing novel left in this city to offer. I made most of it by ensuring that I did not restrict my movements to the city but when around soaking the beauty of art which resides in coastal Karnataka and the innumerable temples this southern beauty has hidden.

Ironic is it that it is because of the same corporate that I am being sucked back to Mumbai, as I was last year. Only the premise has changed. Then I was struggling to push my foot in through the professional door, this time a whirlpool is pulling me from a laid back, relaxed and BORING life.

I have always had a feeling, that some thing I lack and hence this city is hostile to me. And like a true lover, which will not give up and wait for tide to turn, Mumbai beckons me back.

I never belonged here, not because I am a man without vices ( I might be lacking virtues this city demanded though), but only thing which this city has to offer is lotsa alcohol, easy sex and a laidback white collar life. And somehow, I am better off as a shop floor guy, fighting it out. Since the time have moved out of home, aint used to living a relaxed carefree life J

I am feeling numb and stoic as the departure approaches. I don't know what I am doing, how right or wrong it is. Personal life aint that great either at this point of time either. But then that's part and parcel of usual. I just am looking for that channel to spark those famous energy levels back.

Made some good friends here, renewed some old ones……….. and some relationships have folded for the betterment of all. And abhi just countdown time has come.

The other day, this very close friend of mine, told me of certain grave developments in his life. Discussed at length with me his problem. I suggested whatever to the best of my abilities and experience I could. But what is making me feel guilty is that now I am thinking of penning down a fictionalized account, developing these real life characters into imaginary ones. I feel I might be doing wrong and might be exploiting some ones trust in me. That's only reason what has restrained me till now. But I know, I wont be able to stop myself from starting with a draft soon.

In the meanwhile, I read about this paralyzed guy who has started a school for blind in sub-urban Bangalore post his wife's demise as a way to keep her alive forever. Just to pen my thoughts which engulfed me once I read that piece of heart rendering stuff………

Lonely man missing his wife.
If you could shop for loneliness,
would you shop alone?

Would you shop among many,
or would there even be any?

And if you were to find loneliness,
sitting there upon a shelf.

Would you be willing to pay the price,
for the seclusion of ones self?

We spite the feel of loneliness.
Although it is quite real.

We can't quite escape the darkness and self pity,
that loneliness makes us feel.

Loneliness often makes us think of family
and mistakes we've made in life.

My loneliness comes most often,
when I think about my wife.

And MUMBAI here I COME. I hope u l take me in your fold, pamper me and bring back the life in me as you always have done.

LOVE YA

Delhi: Of roadside cholle, Livewire Spirit and the Ugly Delhi Belly

Been some time, coz its been long since i was able to gather my thoughts. Aisa nahin tat time nahin raha aur intent nahin raha just that thoughts have their own way piling up.

Reached apne vatan (meri pyaari dilli) almost a week back, after packing off from my old flame-mumbai. Jab bhi mumbai se durr jaata hun, there s some invisble magnetism which re-appears pulling me back. I hope am able to resist it this time.

Had heard, had read but am first time expeiencing the fun of a sabbatical. Totally relaxed and directionless.

Free of schedules.........

Today was going to my old den, enclave and somethings change for the better and somethings never change. Notorious as they are for their stubborness, delhi autowallahs(blame me for chosing a day when i had no one to drop me nor i had something available for myself) had their brief tete-e-tete with yours truly. And me insisting on travellign by Meter(which is a showpiece element as far as they are concerned) post loads of wraggling, and me having my way i realized to my dismay and the autowallah to his newly found smile, that the rates on the meter had been rationalized and it finally totalled up more than he was originally bargaining for.

So much so for my overrated bargaining confidence...............


Delhi food does something to your olfactorial tendencies. This huge brass drum dishing out mattri cholle, something which i grew up on during school days, and the moment my gaze caught the familiar shape, all fundas which i religiously dish out to fellow mumbaikers of hygiene etc went for a toss.
The mouth-watering was so sudden and permanent that it was as if iam being governed by some programmed chip. Yummmmmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyy, i am loving it. The mirchi, the teekha pan, khatta, y am i not back to this place for ever, i lament.


Being an avid shopper and vouyeristic tendencies of seeing people shop, malls khulle new and i dunt go, equation doesnt complete. To chale hum shopping on Friday evening. And what i liked most was the inclusivness of Delhi malls. For the first time, Delhi is showing a character where what you are, what you speak and where you come from doesnt prohibit you from being a part of the social circus. People who sometime back would not have thought about going to malls or who could not have, were thronging the empty spaces with fervour and not getting overawed by the western ambience or style. It was no longer about the exclusive club or elitist feel that Delhi usually throws to non-ostentatious fellow delhi-ites. It is the new layer which is adding another dimension to the milieu of socially active Delhi.

When i started writing this piece, i had thought about putting something in detail, something when i heard really disturbed me. But now i dunt know whether whats right or not. Just would say, immoral promiscuity is seeping in pretty fast as Delhi moves in to the fast lane. Certain instituions are sacrosanct but i feel sacrilege is being committed because of the adulterous lifestyle people are accepting and adopting. I hope all this rut doesnt end up creating an Ugly Delhi Belly

I read something really lovely today. Would want to dish it out

Fate served me meanly, but I looked at her and laughed,
That none might know how bitter was the cup I quaffed
Along came Joy and paused beside me where I sat,
Saying, 'I came to see what you were laughing at

The Melancholic Rains

Its that time of the year again.......
Mumbai rains have hit the right buttons. First fury like always it manifests in weather, in mood, and in people.

Its never been like this however. Everytime rains bring a spring in my steps, propel me to proceed with my happy go luck ways. My smile grows beyond the widest. Today i aint feeling the same. Is it age catching with me. Cant be coz have hardly crossed quarter of a century.

Then where s the energy gone missing. I am not unhappy, but y i am not happy at feeling the rain hit my face like i always have been. Professionally things r like........... they always are.

I was happy when i smelt the rain sitting inside my office. The pull of the earthy fragrances had left some thoughts, some emotions, aching to break free.

But finally when i confronted the open skies, it was very different from what happens at this time of the year.


Well, its just the beginning,
aaghaz se anjaam tak kai raahein aur manzilein rukh badal leti hain

And all my words come back to me
in shades of mediocrity
When the silence over the serene seas
in utter chaos forms harmony
When the gentle winds
form a wistful sigh
and an open mouth
form a silent cry
and pensive eyes stare into mine
while reality shatters the hand of time

When the church bells toll
in a mother's face
and her still born child
is put on the knell
When certainty comes before shattering
and numbness overclouds all feeling

When a blind child for the first time
sees sparkling dew
And Gods gentle hand forsakes you
At that time you know my friend
you are just a beginning to tan END


Love to all and malice to few

Shooting in the Dark

" Samjhdar ladka hain, pehle apna hunnar dikhaya , fir kaam manga"

Non-Descript lines from Prakash Jha in Apahran.
But then, trust me to find logic in most absurd bollywood fundas

Its been a dream to work for Envirosell Inc.- and get to meet the great super observer Paco Underhill.
Out of sheer time wastage or interest, or as supporting evidence for research, i as always, without many a souls in this very lovable, sociable and friendly city, ventured to shoot shoppers in a b and c stores. Sometimes clandestinely, sometimes doctored, but persevered to put shopping behavior on my much loved, used and abused V3i.

Abhi sab ho gaya, life back to normal track, so on a lazy sunday, decided to upload these on you tube with relevant material on what i think about all that jazz.


And something which i have been postponing since ages, went online and ensured that everyone who matters in this trade, comes to know what i have been upto.

Andheri se thoda durr rehta hun to kya, andhere mein teer to chor hee sakta hun

Very bad one i know that one was.........

Call it luck, usually mera quota bahut hain nahin, coz lady luck seems to be a women scorned as far as i am concerned.

The clips get seen by someone who is closely associating with Mr. Underhill. And i get a mail and then a call discussing wat i did while i was shooting for the same.

I still might not get to go even inside Envirosell Inc.(in any case its based out of Seattle) or meet the revered Paco, but just the thought that what i have been doing out of sheer interest and hobby and not work, gets noticed by his accomplices if not him, is enough to give me such a high, which no JD or JW (jack Daniels / Johnny Walker for the uninitiated) can ever.

I almost spent my entire day in a dizzy today. Lady luck, feeling nostalgic or old passions re emerging, coz usually you hath no behold fury as far as me is concerned.



To bhaijaan, kadar daan, moral of the story, follow your heart, do what u love,
coz
PASSION can win over hard luck. Anyday. Period.


I want to be in love again today. With life.

Sunday of a lost blog

The crazy netsters have done some thing which has erased my blog at rediff and hence me decided to debunk them.


Its been a lazy sunday, as it always is and will continue to be till i slog like a dog at Reliance.

To begin the day with, socha lets pen down a few thoughts before they dry out


"Amidst the thick blanket of darkness
stray foles run wild,
Waiting to be harnessed
Mapping the human heart
colours of all hue and tart
reflected on the horizon
as ethereal as the utopian starry sky
hiding the pensive cry
vagueness flows through the thoughts
as directionless as stranded life cart
someone's slow walk down the aisle
emnating memory torn out of the cradle
you would walk the walk once more
lumbering towards tiresome relief
OR
flowing into the heavenly crimson tide
Painfully the time bides
Life is lived & spent
beneath &
between the lines"



Rajat is coming back from Ludhiana today. In the evening. There r couple of options available,to pick him from the airport, go strt to the theatre
Soooooooooooooooo many movies i have not seen in past fortnight.

I want to come back to delhi, however much i might be loving mumbai.
My freedom is here, my identity is here. Most importantly my future is here.
But my umbical cord is efusing to be snapped with delhi. Things i dunt know abt keep pulling me to go back home.

Living alone in mumbai has it fair set of fun and advantage.

And for all regular dost log, i plan to re-initiate my filmy talk on this blog. So Dhoom machale.......

Au Revoir

Loads of Love to all, malice to few