Of Circitous life and Jaded thoughts

Weird it is, that my last post was almost 2 months back. I have lived a life, in these past two months, a life I dint know I would experience.

It is time to bid adieu to this foreign land called Bangalore, a city which I could never embrace, a city which could never own up to me. First visit was eventful here in 2003, it was the first time I had moved out of the closed confines of my much pampered and protected environment back home.

Lotsa excitement in exploring a new city, the only time when I was virgin for the city and city décor was virgin for me. But then good things come to an end sooner or rather they appear to be coming to an end sooner. Some disastrous consequences of the reckless way of leading my life ensured that I had to rush back to Delhi with an uncertainty of where I was headed to in life and in geography thereon.

Last year when I came here, things were already becoming boring for me, with nothing novel left in this city to offer. I made most of it by ensuring that I did not restrict my movements to the city but when around soaking the beauty of art which resides in coastal Karnataka and the innumerable temples this southern beauty has hidden.

Ironic is it that it is because of the same corporate that I am being sucked back to Mumbai, as I was last year. Only the premise has changed. Then I was struggling to push my foot in through the professional door, this time a whirlpool is pulling me from a laid back, relaxed and BORING life.

I have always had a feeling, that some thing I lack and hence this city is hostile to me. And like a true lover, which will not give up and wait for tide to turn, Mumbai beckons me back.

I never belonged here, not because I am a man without vices ( I might be lacking virtues this city demanded though), but only thing which this city has to offer is lotsa alcohol, easy sex and a laidback white collar life. And somehow, I am better off as a shop floor guy, fighting it out. Since the time have moved out of home, aint used to living a relaxed carefree life J

I am feeling numb and stoic as the departure approaches. I don't know what I am doing, how right or wrong it is. Personal life aint that great either at this point of time either. But then that's part and parcel of usual. I just am looking for that channel to spark those famous energy levels back.

Made some good friends here, renewed some old ones……….. and some relationships have folded for the betterment of all. And abhi just countdown time has come.

The other day, this very close friend of mine, told me of certain grave developments in his life. Discussed at length with me his problem. I suggested whatever to the best of my abilities and experience I could. But what is making me feel guilty is that now I am thinking of penning down a fictionalized account, developing these real life characters into imaginary ones. I feel I might be doing wrong and might be exploiting some ones trust in me. That's only reason what has restrained me till now. But I know, I wont be able to stop myself from starting with a draft soon.

In the meanwhile, I read about this paralyzed guy who has started a school for blind in sub-urban Bangalore post his wife's demise as a way to keep her alive forever. Just to pen my thoughts which engulfed me once I read that piece of heart rendering stuff………

Lonely man missing his wife.
If you could shop for loneliness,
would you shop alone?

Would you shop among many,
or would there even be any?

And if you were to find loneliness,
sitting there upon a shelf.

Would you be willing to pay the price,
for the seclusion of ones self?

We spite the feel of loneliness.
Although it is quite real.

We can't quite escape the darkness and self pity,
that loneliness makes us feel.

Loneliness often makes us think of family
and mistakes we've made in life.

My loneliness comes most often,
when I think about my wife.

And MUMBAI here I COME. I hope u l take me in your fold, pamper me and bring back the life in me as you always have done.

LOVE YA