The long and short of it

Dido & Aeneas - Life thereafter

2011-03-13T18:48:00.000-07:00

After the opera got over exactly a month back, life s been pretty empty. When the first reviews came out and my interpretation was trashed, I was broken.... even that would be an understatement....

But then the back to back housefull shows made me realize audience loved what was on stage. Which person on this world does not crave for love and appreciation. And I, strangely, need it more often than not.

Probably this will remain the first and last opera I ever direct.

But the feeling of engulfment, the emotional whirlpool, the fact that I was almost fired 3 days before the first share (I still hate myself for coming across as a control freak) and the final standing ovation and applause will remain inscribed in my heart. Life s much back to normal now. Routine stuff, get my HSMP visa, look for a worthwhile job... Gawd I wanna settle in France doing something simple and lost from the world., try and settle my personal affairs, which look like now boring chapters of a never ending Ekta Kapoor soap. Then there s the case of being terribly homesick, wanting to be with my own people, my friends, mum n dad......

Looking for my new dream, 6 months have already passed and am nowhere close to knowing what I want in life next. Inshallah sukoon ki neend durr nahin :)

And yes, one thing which does not change despite upheavals, in my LOVE, for my self :D

Cheeky

Football, romance and randomness

2010-07-11T09:04:00.000-07:00

Its been 10 years since I started supporting team ORANJE and at that time the prick by the name of ruud van nistelrooy used to be the star player. Under his aegis, Netherlands failed to even qualify for the World Cup of 2006. This year thankfully he s not part of the team and my most beloved team makes it to the finals. People I surprised, shocked, disappointed (well yeah, our boys did defeat Brazil) to find an unknown Holland team in the finals. But for me the pleasure is probably as good as when Delhi Daredevils wins in the IPL (Indian national team somehow does not evoke any emotion any longer in me).

So tonight I shall be rooting with my lungs bursting out for the ORANJE army. Go boys, Win it for us.

PS. Random random and extremely random

I love Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi, I can watch it as many times as I can watch Shri 420. Surinder Sahni and Raj are two character who will be the hero of my story if I ever pen such a thing.

I would love to believe that Raj Kapoor is the soul and the sole facilitator who got my entry into Cambridge :)

The World- Now and Then

2010-02-26T01:06:00.000-08:00

Going by previous lackadaisical writing regularity, this post is not too late in the day.

When I had not been to Europe, the ideal life I could imagine, was 9 to 9 convineance store in a quaint lil town ensconced by nature. And the first day I landed at Cambridge, it was just like all I had imagined over the years. I was not in awe of the huge British structures all around but rather it was love at first sight.

But after the dissertation and the final interviews, I got a chance to spend 2 full days just soaking in the countryside and just can't explain the feeling. And the same ol feeling came over................ one day when I have exhausted all my professional ambitions, all I would want to do is open a 9 to 9 convineance store and retire in any of these picturesque rural counties.

And surprises sometime do come up in life. I would be indeed joining University of Cambridge for Fall 2010, so now the countdown clock for my retired life has indeed begun. And the credit for this next journey goes to only one man......................... Charles Dickens. Well, its the way his writings described London and principle characters romance with the surrounding environs, that left this strong desire to be part of and experience the same romance.

February just flew by like anything, what with Vaty coming back on a vacation to India. Lavasa is proving to be such a wonderful weekend getaway for me. Just about everything there, right from the lakeside cottage to the exciting rappelling session this time, bring back the child in me alive and kicking.

Sipping hot Darj tea and playing with Tara was the most satisfying part of the 2 day jaunt. What we see here is Vaty lazying under the pretext of jet lag :) and Pooja trying to make tara fall asleep. Simple pleasures of life are what we all yearn for. I am happy to be soon getting out of this maddening corporate rat race for a while.

And now comes the TIME of the year, I love it!!!!! it is HOLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

And I am flying out tonite itself to saddi dilli. Though, half my enthusiasm has dampened by the fact that my best friend is flying out of the country on some emergency assignment at the same moment as I land in Delhi. Bro, without you, what color the festival would hold :(

I just hope there is no further last minute punctures to my Holi celebration plans.

Also, this time in Delhi, I have to hunt for some good multimedia material on 3 languages (French, German and Spanish) . Once I brush up my earlier adventures with the French language, I have to get a hang of Spanish and German. The idea is to know at least these 3 lingos before I leave the country.

I was seeing the images of Poland in winters, and man what beauty it is. Sheer blanket of white snow spread all over.

I shall try and be more regular with the snaps now to chronicle life in Kodak moments, now more so, because I cant crib any longer about not having a decent lens.

2009-11-06T23:20:00.000-08:00

There are too many things on my mind right now, and I still feel there is nothing on my mind. I have never oscillated between extreme mood swings so wildly as has been happening in past month or so.

2010 will probably have answers to some questions which are right now obstructing my thought process as well as my zeal to live life to its fullest. I don't know whether I shall be in the country or flying away for good, i don't know whether I will be in job, in the same job or just dump everything and do what i have been wanting to since the thought of being independent first hit me, and then I don't know what turn the turbulence of personal state of affairs take.

Filhaal, happy season seems to be the flavor. Every friend, best friend, school friend, college friend, friend's friend is getting married and unfortunately I don't have any relation with either Mr. Mallya or Mr. Naresh Goel, that I can keep flying to attend each of these melas thrice a week.

But am happy for the fact that 2 of my best friends ever are finally getting hitched. And surprise of surprise, arranged marriages seem to be "in" again. All these folks, with their respective boyfriends and girlfriends, albeit ex, seem to be happily settling down to a match of their parent's choice. Kuch kaheen trend mei jump has happened which I have failed to observe.

My next film FIRED is almost ready, though I am still working on the look with the designer. The promo has been a HOT hit at the American Film market, and couple of domestic buyers have evinced interest. God, please make this one be noticed.

I am uploading some looks and the trailer is in the link below, shall keep updating it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZxAT7xGtijA

Publish Post

Of Circitous life and Jaded thoughts

2007-09-26T04:09:00.000-07:00

Weird it is, that my last post was almost 2 months back. I have lived a life, in these past two months, a life I dint know I would experience.

It is time to bid adieu to this foreign land called Bangalore, a city which I could never embrace, a city which could never own up to me. First visit was eventful here in 2003, it was the first time I had moved out of the closed confines of my much pampered and protected environment back home.

Lotsa excitement in exploring a new city, the only time when I was virgin for the city and city décor was virgin for me. But then good things come to an end sooner or rather they appear to be coming to an end sooner. Some disastrous consequences of the reckless way of leading my life ensured that I had to rush back to Delhi with an uncertainty of where I was headed to in life and in geography thereon.

Last year when I came here, things were already becoming boring for me, with nothing novel left in this city to offer. I made most of it by ensuring that I did not restrict my movements to the city but when around soaking the beauty of art which resides in coastal Karnataka and the innumerable temples this southern beauty has hidden.

Ironic is it that it is because of the same corporate that I am being sucked back to Mumbai, as I was last year. Only the premise has changed. Then I was struggling to push my foot in through the professional door, this time a whirlpool is pulling me from a laid back, relaxed and BORING life.

I have always had a feeling, that some thing I lack and hence this city is hostile to me. And like a true lover, which will not give up and wait for tide to turn, Mumbai beckons me back.

I never belonged here, not because I am a man without vices ( I might be lacking virtues this city demanded though), but only thing which this city has to offer is lotsa alcohol, easy sex and a laidback white collar life. And somehow, I am better off as a shop floor guy, fighting it out. Since the time have moved out of home, aint used to living a relaxed carefree life J

I am feeling numb and stoic as the departure approaches. I don't know what I am doing, how right or wrong it is. Personal life aint that great either at this point of time either. But then that's part and parcel of usual. I just am looking for that channel to spark those famous energy levels back.

Made some good friends here, renewed some old ones……….. and some relationships have folded for the betterment of all. And abhi just countdown time has come.

The other day, this very close friend of mine, told me of certain grave developments in his life. Discussed at length with me his problem. I suggested whatever to the best of my abilities and experience I could. But what is making me feel guilty is that now I am thinking of penning down a fictionalized account, developing these real life characters into imaginary ones. I feel I might be doing wrong and might be exploiting some ones trust in me. That's only reason what has restrained me till now. But I know, I wont be able to stop myself from starting with a draft soon.

In the meanwhile, I read about this paralyzed guy who has started a school for blind in sub-urban Bangalore post his wife's demise as a way to keep her alive forever. Just to pen my thoughts which engulfed me once I read that piece of heart rendering stuff………

Lonely man missing his wife.
If you could shop for loneliness,
would you shop alone?

Would you shop among many,
or would there even be any?

And if you were to find loneliness,
sitting there upon a shelf.

Would you be willing to pay the price,
for the seclusion of ones self?

We spite the feel of loneliness.
Although it is quite real.

We can't quite escape the darkness and self pity,
that loneliness makes us feel.

Loneliness often makes us think of family
and mistakes we've made in life.

My loneliness comes most often,
when I think about my wife.

And MUMBAI here I COME. I hope u l take me in your fold, pamper me and bring back the life in me as you always have done.

LOVE YA

Delhi: Of roadside cholle, Livewire Spirit and the Ugly Delhi Belly

2007-07-21T11:25:00.000-07:00

Been some time, coz its been long since i was able to gather my thoughts. Aisa nahin tat time nahin raha aur intent nahin raha just that thoughts have their own way piling up.

Reached apne vatan (meri pyaari dilli) almost a week back, after packing off from my old flame-mumbai. Jab bhi mumbai se durr jaata hun, there s some invisble magnetism which re-appears pulling me back. I hope am able to resist it this time.

Had heard, had read but am first time expeiencing the fun of a sabbatical. Totally relaxed and directionless.

Free of schedules.........

Today was going to my old den, enclave and somethings change for the better and somethings never change. Notorious as they are for their stubborness, delhi autowallahs(blame me for chosing a day when i had no one to drop me nor i had something available for myself) had their brief tete-e-tete with yours truly. And me insisting on travellign by Meter(which is a showpiece element as far as they are concerned) post loads of wraggling, and me having my way i realized to my dismay and the autowallah to his newly found smile, that the rates on the meter had been rationalized and it finally totalled up more than he was originally bargaining for.

So much so for my overrated bargaining confidence...............

Delhi food does something to your olfactorial tendencies. This huge brass drum dishing out mattri cholle, something which i grew up on during school days, and the moment my gaze caught the familiar shape, all fundas which i religiously dish out to fellow mumbaikers of hygiene etc went for a toss.
The mouth-watering was so sudden and permanent that it was as if iam being governed by some programmed chip. Yummmmmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyy, i am loving it. The mirchi, the teekha pan, khatta, y am i not back to this place for ever, i lament.

Being an avid shopper and vouyeristic tendencies of seeing people shop, malls khulle new and i dunt go, equation doesnt complete. To chale hum shopping on Friday evening. And what i liked most was the inclusivness of Delhi malls. For the first time, Delhi is showing a character where what you are, what you speak and where you come from doesnt prohibit you from being a part of the social circus. People who sometime back would not have thought about going to malls or who could not have, were thronging the empty spaces with fervour and not getting overawed by the western ambience or style. It was no longer about the exclusive club or elitist feel that Delhi usually throws to non-ostentatious fellow delhi-ites. It is the new layer which is adding another dimension to the milieu of socially active Delhi.

When i started writing this piece, i had thought about putting something in detail, something when i heard really disturbed me. But now i dunt know whether whats right or not. Just would say, immoral promiscuity is seeping in pretty fast as Delhi moves in to the fast lane. Certain instituions are sacrosanct but i feel sacrilege is being committed because of the adulterous lifestyle people are accepting and adopting. I hope all this rut doesnt end up creating an Ugly Delhi Belly

I read something really lovely today. Would want to dish it out

Fate served me meanly, but I looked at her and laughed,
That none might know how bitter was the cup I quaffed
Along came Joy and paused beside me where I sat,
Saying, 'I came to see what you were laughing at

The Melancholic Rains

2007-06-18T10:12:00.000-07:00

Its that time of the year again.......
Mumbai rains have hit the right buttons. First fury like always it manifests in weather, in mood, and in people.

Its never been like this however. Everytime rains bring a spring in my steps, propel me to proceed with my happy go luck ways. My smile grows beyond the widest. Today i aint feeling the same. Is it age catching with me. Cant be coz have hardly crossed quarter of a century.

Then where s the energy gone missing. I am not unhappy, but y i am not happy at feeling the rain hit my face like i always have been. Professionally things r like........... they always are.

I was happy when i smelt the rain sitting inside my office. The pull of the earthy fragrances had left some thoughts, some emotions, aching to break free.

But finally when i confronted the open skies, it was very different from what happens at this time of the year.

Well, its just the beginning,
aaghaz se anjaam tak kai raahein aur manzilein rukh badal leti hain

And all my words come back to me
in shades of mediocrity
When the silence over the serene seas
in utter chaos forms harmony
When the gentle winds
form a wistful sigh
and an open mouth
form a silent cry
and pensive eyes stare into mine
while reality shatters the hand of time

When the church bells toll
in a mother's face
and her still born child
is put on the knell
When certainty comes before shattering
and numbness overclouds all feeling

When a blind child for the first time
sees sparkling dew
And Gods gentle hand forsakes you
At that time you know my friend
you are just a beginning to tan END

Love to all and malice to few

Shooting in the Dark

2007-06-12T07:32:00.000-07:00

" Samjhdar ladka hain, pehle apna hunnar dikhaya , fir kaam manga"

Non-Descript lines from Prakash Jha in Apahran.
But then, trust me to find logic in most absurd bollywood fundas

Its been a dream to work for Envirosell Inc.- and get to meet the great super observer Paco Underhill.
Out of sheer time wastage or interest, or as supporting evidence for research, i as always, without many a souls in this very lovable, sociable and friendly city, ventured to shoot shoppers in a b and c stores. Sometimes clandestinely, sometimes doctored, but persevered to put shopping behavior on my much loved, used and abused V3i.

Abhi sab ho gaya, life back to normal track, so on a lazy sunday, decided to upload these on you tube with relevant material on what i think about all that jazz.

And something which i have been postponing since ages, went online and ensured that everyone who matters in this trade, comes to know what i have been upto.

Andheri se thoda durr rehta hun to kya, andhere mein teer to chor hee sakta hun

Very bad one i know that one was.........

Call it luck, usually mera quota bahut hain nahin, coz lady luck seems to be a women scorned as far as i am concerned.

The clips get seen by someone who is closely associating with Mr. Underhill. And i get a mail and then a call discussing wat i did while i was shooting for the same.

I still might not get to go even inside Envirosell Inc.(in any case its based out of Seattle) or meet the revered Paco, but just the thought that what i have been doing out of sheer interest and hobby and not work, gets noticed by his accomplices if not him, is enough to give me such a high, which no JD or JW (jack Daniels / Johnny Walker for the uninitiated) can ever.

I almost spent my entire day in a dizzy today. Lady luck, feeling nostalgic or old passions re emerging, coz usually you hath no behold fury as far as me is concerned.

To bhaijaan, kadar daan, moral of the story, follow your heart, do what u love,
coz
PASSION can win over hard luck. Anyday. Period.

I want to be in love again today. With life.

Sunday of a lost blog

2007-06-10T00:45:00.000-07:00

The crazy netsters have done some thing which has erased my blog at rediff and hence me decided to debunk them.

Its been a lazy sunday, as it always is and will continue to be till i slog like a dog at Reliance.

To begin the day with, socha lets pen down a few thoughts before they dry out

"Amidst the thick blanket of darkness
stray foles run wild,
Waiting to be harnessed
Mapping the human heart
colours of all hue and tart
reflected on the horizon
as ethereal as the utopian starry sky
hiding the pensive cry
vagueness flows through the thoughts
as directionless as stranded life cart
someone's slow walk down the aisle
emnating memory torn out of the cradle
you would walk the walk once more
lumbering towards tiresome relief
OR
flowing into the heavenly crimson tide
Painfully the time bides
Life is lived & spent
beneath &
between the lines"

Rajat is coming back from Ludhiana today. In the evening. There r couple of options available,to pick him from the airport, go strt to the theatre
Soooooooooooooooo many movies i have not seen in past fortnight.

I want to come back to delhi, however much i might be loving mumbai.
My freedom is here, my identity is here. Most importantly my future is here.
But my umbical cord is efusing to be snapped with delhi. Things i dunt know abt keep pulling me to go back home.

Living alone in mumbai has it fair set of fun and advantage.

And for all regular dost log, i plan to re-initiate my filmy talk on this blog. So Dhoom machale.......

Au Revoir

Loads of Love to all, malice to few